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Journal – About Me April Challenge (Day 4)

by on April 4, 2017

April 4th, 2017

Salutations, Readers of the Internet,

How is it going? Today is actually Pidgey‘s birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Web Mistress, wherever you are! I hope you’re doing well!

Speaking of friends, here’s today’s post:

Day 4: The most important qualities in a friend


I think this is actually the first time (or so) that I’m actually writing a post on the same day it’s supposed to be published!

Don’t take this as a sign that all the remaining posts will also be posted on the right dates, however! I have no time to leisurely write here every single day?! I’m really just celebrating the fact that I am able to publish this on time, despite the fact that I couldn’t schedule it [considering the fact that I haven’t been able to take care of the more recent challenges on this blog, I’m taking this as a victory].

End of Aside 


As you’ve no doubt guessed by reading my posts (or the other ones I’ve written which will be posted later this month), I am a person who enjoys routine and consistency (even if I contradict myself sometimes and add a little pizzazz here and there). I feel like I’m pretty loyal to my friends? I would totally stick my head out for them in many situations (provided they are very close friends, that is). And if I’m loyal to someone, I would hope that they would be loyal towards me as well. When I promise that I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it.

It takes a blow on my trust towards a friend when they are unable to do the littlest things that they’ve said they would do (which, again, is slightly hypocritical of me to say, especially since I can’t always own up to what I promise I’d do either). Imagine for the bigger commitments these people take on?! Can I really trust them to go through with it when they weren’t able to do this one little thing I asked them to do [I will add this counter-argument that I’ve learned through the years: sometimes, the littlest things for them is just so little that they don’t think of it much, but when they decide to be responsible with something bigger, they’ll put all their energy on it. Some people are like that, but not all of them… We’re not friends anymore]?

Understanding, is, perhaps, something even more important to me than the previous point, although I’m not sure exactly where they should rank in comparison with consistency.

As I’ve mentioned before (Day 3), I am such a weirdo, or I’m so eccentric and awkward, that when I do something awkward or when I say something that comes off as weird, I like it that my friends can understand where I come from, and not take it the bad way. Either that, or they gently correct me, or they endure me through my rants and my fan-girling of a fandom they are not a part of necessarily. As I’ve said, it really helps me feel like I’m connected to someone, which fills up my socializing quota nicely.

I’m also a pretty anxious person, and my friends – bless their souls – understand that I need time to sort through the very overwhelming mix of contradicting intense emotions I can go through with going through only one event, or I need a lot of reassurance [“No, you’re over-thinking it, don’t worry, it’s not possible that it’s your fault”], even if I should be able to do this intrinsically .

Time is also a very important aspect of what makes the friendship last with me, I think.

This is mainly because I’ve had friendships in which I still feel like I was the only one pulling all the weight. When a friend rarely ever asks you how you are, or makes sure you are as well as you pretend you are [because obviously, you aren’t as honest with yourself or with anyone as you can be when you’re going through yet another anxiety episode, and they’ve never truly helped you go through one], after a few years, it feels a little bit unfair? Especially when you’re pulling through all the stops to make them feel better when you detect with your very bad friend-skills, that they’re not doing well either.

I’m an annoying person: I love talking about everything and nothing. My friends sort of know this already, because during a certain time of the year, when the mood is right, I’ll be bothering them every single day, at a certain time, asking them about their day, the weather, etc., etc. Small talk is my way of connecting with people and making sure that they’re all right. Sometimes, it leads to more, sometimes, it doesn’t, but it fills my socializing quota, and keeping track of where my friends are is important to me. All of this to explain that when they ignore my texts, or when they “see” it, but don’t respond, or when they take too long to respond, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Thoughts like: “DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG?!” or “OH MY GOD THEY HATE ME NOW” or “I’VE CROSSED THE LINE OF NO RETURN!” or something haunt me throughout the day.

In a sense, I’m very much like a puppy like that [or just a clingy person], where I need to message the people I like to virtually spend “time” with, on the daily basis, or I’ll end up missing them so much. I also need to feel like they enjoy spending virtual time with me. The simplest things like: messaging me first, before I do, because if I always start messages, it makes me feel like I’m the needy one (which I no doubt am) and they’re always the ones indulging me and being nice by answering back only when I message them and never the other way around.

I feel like there are so many other qualities that I like to have with my friends, but… well, I can’t, and I’m going to pass the 1k word limit I’ve set for myself…

ponyta_redblueSo I’ll just leave it at that!
See you all tomorrow!
Be good!
Ponyta’s Out


From → Challenge

One Comment
  1. charmanderp permalink

    I like how detailed you were in describing each of the qualities. 🙂

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