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Journal – About Me April Challenge (Day 18)

by on April 18, 2017

March 21rst, 2017

Hey there, people!
How are you all doing? I hope you’ve been taking good care of yourselves and that this post finds you well! We’re more than half way done through the challenge! I’d say this is pretty good! Let’s see what today’s prompt is:

Day 18: How would you like to be described?

Is this some kind of: “describe yourself best” kind of question? Or a…”Choose what qualities that jump out of these and see how it describes you”? Is it too narcissistic to think about how you want to be described? Does it really matter what others think about you and how others describe you?

I want to say “no,” and end the blog post there…

…but you know I’ve been trying to get past 500 words for each blog post… so let’s… let’s play the game and think about how I’d like to be described. And how do I answer that question? With adjectives or qualities I aim to have, or about what kind of light I’d like people to look at me in?! I’m going to look at it as: “How would people describe you if you were to die?” kind of scenario.

Based on the stupid fact that I like helping out so much, and that I like to brag about it by reminding y’all that I volunteer way too much and that I have too many students whom I accept left and right the moment their parents come to me with the words: “My child really needs help,” I guess I would say that I would love to be described as altruistic.

The problem is how maybe it’s more vain to say that you want to help people, but all you really want to do is to complain [about how much less free time you’ll have, or because it’s become a hassle (to help people out), or because of other reasons… I say “you” but really, I mean ‘me’?] or brag about it.

Sometimes, I feel like, because this is a goal that I’ve always wanted to work towards, the fact that I can’t really say ‘no’ to someone in need of some kind help, is not so much out of the kindness of my heart, but out of duty. What do I gain from helping out others? I gain, because I sort of feel better about myself when I do that? That warm feeling you have when you’ve brightened up someone’s day? I feel like maybe I’m addicted to that. By trying being “selfless,” I’m really actually being selfish.

I’d love to be “a good friend,” too, but I’ve already told y’all about how bad I am with that.

I don’t have enough life experience to help them through what plagues them, and I also don’t have very good communicative skills, which is hilarious because of how much I talk. It’s more quantity than quality with my talk, if you’ve noticed. It takes me a long post on these blogs posts, in order to reach a conclusion that can be summarized in one sentence!

I have literally very little emotional intelligence, too, which makes it so hard for me to wade through emotions, and I can’t always process them correctly either!

Not only that, but despite all of those, I’m pretty clingy? I like to communicate with my friends as often as possible, and yet, paradoxically, I’m so paranoid with being too clingy, that I sometimes just distance myself for months on end. Going from “messaging someone every hour of the day,” to “messaging someone once per month or something,” can be… sort of weird? I’m sure my friends know what I’m talking about.

…I have so many I can say about this… but I’ll stop here, haha.

Mind you that I’m not saying this so you can go ahead and comment that “no you’re a great friend”. No no, I’m simply aware of what quality friend I am [or rather, what lack of quality I have as a friend?], and I’m just telling you now before you decide that you should try forging some kind of friendship with me! And I’m also saying this because, I sort of want to become a better friend, but there are so many things I gotta work through that I really am not sure I’d be able to achieve that goal by the time I die and need to be described in an obituary.

So really, realistically, I’d be “an okay friend… most of the time“.

Since I’m going as “realistically” as possible in all these, maybe I could be described as a “realistic” person? But since I am pretty much inconsistent overall, and become unrealistic at times, then it’s also not the most plausible description of me you can get. I can’t choose a “positive” quality in the end, I’m sorry.

But if someone [I send you my regards, whomever you are, and you don’t have to pressure yourself to do it] were to write my obituaries, I’d like them to be as frank as possible. Please don’t euphemise whatever horrible qualities I have, and if you don’t have anything you want to print out, just don’t do it. Leave it blank. It’d be hilarious!

If you had to though, I wouldn’t be surprised if it went something along the lines of: “A very human but overall very cranky horse on fire, who happens to love control and attention. She is very neurotic about almost everything.” and I wouldn’t blame you.

I’d, in fact, be fine with it. I promise. Also I won’t come haunt you if I ever were to find a way to.

I’ll right, so on that note, I’ll see you tomorrow!
Hopefully, I won’t turn it into something like “death” again (HOPEFULLY)
ponyta_hgss_overworld_shiny_front2ponyta_hgss_overworld_shiny_front2Ponyout! ponyta_hgss_overworld_shiny_front2ponyta_hgss_overworld_shiny_front2


From → Challenge

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