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Journal – About Me April Challenge (Day 21)

by on April 21, 2017

April 5th, 2017 

Hey there, everybody!
How is the whole year treating you so far? We’re not finished with the fourth month of April yet, as you’ll receive this, so I hope it’s going well! If not, well, there’s always next month! And the month after that, to get better! Try to take it in step by step, if you have to, looking back at the long-term stuff sometimes, but take them in slowly, so you don’t get overwhelmed! All right, now that I’ve dished some weird, vague advice, what’s today’s prompt?

Day 21: How do you show people you care?

According to this particular website, Love Languages, there are five types of ways to show someone that you love them, or to understand how you appreciate others’ different ways of affection towards you. I’ve done this quiz last year, but let’s see what I’ve got this year (maybe it’d be a fun experiment to see how I’ve evolved. Let’s try to put this in my: To-do annually kind of quiz… if I can recall them)… There are:

  • 12 points – Acts of Services
    • [This might be me for sure, just because I can see myself showing affection towards helping out others? and be all cynical and mean about it ’cause I’m a tsundere like that. I just like helping out and feeling useful, is what it is…]
  • 9 points – Quality Time
    • [I think this might be me, but then again, I don’t like spending time with people in general, because they are 100% going to annoy me, so I’m not sure about this anymore]
  • 5 points – Words of Affirmation
    • [I know that I’m not as bad as Leafeon about this, but I think I’m about this too]
  • 4 points – Physical Touch
    • [ew]
  • 0 points – Receiving Gifts
    • [meh, I have difficulties accepting gifts from people, especially from the kids]

The parable of the Good Samaritan stays with me a lot, even if I selfishly follow it only when it benefits me. Basically: Be with others as you would like them to be with you. I’m probably paraphrasing here, but I guess I want to believe that, if I like receiving “acts of services,” “quality time,” and “words of affirmation,” I also willingly give those out as well to people. This may be because I want people to feel like I appreciate them, because that’s how I understand appreciation, or maybe it’s because I’m leading by example. In a twisted and totally evil way, it could be translated to: if I want people to understand that I like it when they offer me their help, even if it’s an inconvenience to them, I have to do the same.

I try my hardest to either give of my time to help a person out, whether it’s by listening to them rant or by proof-reading something for them. Or look for jobs for them.

I’m not sure why Quality Time ranks as high as it does. Ideally I should cherish any time that I spend with my friends and loved ones. But nowadays I like to distance myself from that, I guess I’m just too exhausted to even find the energy to be around other people after work. Paradoxically, I can be there for them virtually. We can play games together online, we can just spend time chatting with each other, about everything and nothing.

Back when I started work, I would never hug the kids, or give them kisses on the forehead, nor the hair, nor the cheek, just because it felt so awkward, I didn’t know how my co-workers did it, because… well I felt so… robotic and stiff. The kids, bless their hearts, still came for their morning hugs when they came in and evening hugs when they leave. Not only that, but the children who cry a lot need physical reassurance in a hug or in the simple gesture of holding hands, which, throughout this year of working with them, I’ve sort of learned to do? Basically, I’m sort of warming up to the physical touch?

As for receiving gifts, I can’t say that I commend it. I will sometimes accept the gifts, if the feeling is right, but most of the time, I really, really don’t appreciate receiving physical gifts. It can be trinkets, it can be cake, etc. It just feels so wrong for me to accept those. Or sometimes, it just feels too easy, in the sense of “Forgive me for not spending enough time with you, here’s a token of my appreciation to compensate for all the days we haven’t spoken, causing you to go through anxiety bouts after anxiety bouts, and causing you to spiral even more downward.” No thank you. I understand that time isn’t something I can be given as often as my brain somehow believes it needs, but don’t go buying stuff to make me feel appreciated. And because I feel this way about gifts, I don’t really like giving them out either, unless they’re situational, like buying a movie ticket for a friend.

ponyta_crystal_shinyThat’s it out of me today!
I’m tired and I need to go sleep!
See you all next time!
Ponyta’s sleeping


From → Challenge, Quizzes

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